Even as debates rage on through the United States about what a “family” is, people love and live and have children and split up.  It doesn’t matter what relationships the law recognizes—as long as you love each other, does it?

Ahhh, but it does. If you do not have the correct legal relationships, you can not guarantee that you can participate in your child’s life or be there for your sweetheart—for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And Colorado has just passed a powerful new tool to protect your non-traditional family—the second parent adoption law. Effective August 8, 2007, this new law is a quiet revolution in granting you rights to your children. 

Children will ultimately win here, as they can now have two parents with not only legal rights, but legal responsibilities as well. Moreover, this law can protect parents and other family members and preserve children’s relationships with the adults and siblings in their lives.

More and more people enter into “families of choice.”  If you or your significant other have children or are thinking about children, take advantage of this new second parent adoption law to become parents in the eyes of the law as well as parents in the hearts of your children. 

Becoming an adopted second parent isn’t easy—the second parent needs to go through similar steps as any other adoptive parent. There are background checks with the FBI, CBI, and Colorado TRAILS; home visits; and other requirements.

These papers can be time consuming and confusing.  An attorney can help you weave your way through the red tape more efficiently and safely—and consider all the angles in your particular situation.  There are a lot of contingencies to think about.

So what kind of protections will a second parent adoption bring?  Let’s consider a simple case. Susan and Kelly have been a lesbian couple for three years.  They have decided it is the right time to start a family and choose Susan to become pregnant.  They use artificial insemination from an unknown donor and Susan gives birth to a healthy girl they name Kate.  All of their parents are alive and are excited about their new grandchild.

Susan, as the biological mother, is Kate’s legal parent.  Kate’s right to be provided for by Susan is protected under the law by this legal parent-child relationship. Susan has the obligation to support Kate, make decisions about her medical care, education, social relationships, housing, etc.  She also has a right to continue her relationship with Kate.

But what about Kelly?  Because Susan and Kelly made the decision to have a child together, they expect that Kelly will have the same parental role as Susan, and they move forward with their lives as any happy new parents might:  negotiating who gets up for night feedings; who works what hours and who takes care of Kate during those hours.  Like any typical baby, Kate also develops a relationship with four grandparents.  They decide that Kelly will work, since she has a career track job, and Susan will stay home with Kate. 

But if Kelly isn’t an adopted second parent, then insurance from her work may not cover Kate.  So Susan has to scrounge for insurance. 

Kelly has taken Kate to the park to play while Susan takes a nap.  A stray dog jumps the fence and startles Kate and her playmates, and Kate falls and scrapes her knees.  Since Kelly is not certain Kate’s injuries are minor, she takes Kate to their local urgent care center.  But again, if Kelly isn’t Kate’s legal parent, she can’t consent to Kate’s medical treatment. 

What happens if Susan and Kelly split up?  Breakups can be bitter, and how many times have we seen divorcing parents use the children to hurt each other?  Only in our story, Susan has a much more potent weapon:  Kelly has no legal rights to continue as a parent to Kate.  Suppose it is Kelly who wants to leave and does not want to continue providing financial support for Kate?  Only a second-parent adoption can protect all parties, especially Kate as the child.  If both Susan and Kelly are legal parents, then Kate will be protected by the laws regarding child support, visitation, and all the other legal entanglements. 

What happens if Kelly dies?  If Kelly didn’t prepare a will, then neither Susan nor Kate have rights to inherit from Kelly.  What if Susan dies first?  If Susan didn’t prepare a will, then Kelly may not have the right to continue caring for Kate.

Grandparents also have a stake in the second parent adoption.  Even in an ideal family, where the parents support and love Susan and Kelly, and bond with Kate, they have no protections.  In a break up or a death, the grandparents may never see Kate again. 

The second parent adoption law also allows options for a grandparent or aunt or uncle, for example, to adopt a child with only one parent. It doesn't necessarily have to be a domestic partner, but someone with a close, parental relationship with a child who has only one legal parent. Again, children are the biggest winners under this law.

The second parent adoption is the closest thing right now to give nontraditional families the rights a “traditional” family gets the moment the child is born.  It may be a hassle, and there may be a lot of hoops involved—but think of all the heartache and misery this step will save you, and your children, later on.  Truly here, a piece of paper in time saves thousands of pieces of paper later.